Tipping my hand – A Journal Entry

There we were at a crossroads. We both had gotten close to revealing our hand, still neither of us dropped tells. This was the most difficult game I had played in quite some time and I was determined to win. Either he would tell me how he feels or the alternative would be for us to part for a while until we could figure it out. Each hand got more tense and awkward than the next. I had already admitted to him that I thought I was falling in love with him and now it was Colin’s turn.

It was in his dungeon, the night after I killed the neighbor and admitted my possible feelings that he upped the ante by saying, “I shall return love,” Then just left without any explanation or further words. “Love“? I thought to myself as I rested in my chains that day, smiling. The next evening, I was freed from the dungeon but not the game. I asked him about calling me, “love”. “What did you mean by that?” I asked, only to be met with his flat denial and a frustrated sigh. We were at a stalemate and both had to fold. The rest of the evening was tense. I left the bedroom and went to the study, talking to Colin’s human assistant, Egan, who really didn’t help much with trying to understand the mind of his employer before I rested.

Another night, another hand. All I could think about was him showing just that little bit of emotion. I could tell he was guarding his hand, just as I was. Why would he have gotten so upset and frustrated if he didn’t love me, I thought as I awakened to the sound of Colin coming in to the study. I smiled when he walked into the room and tried to make some small talk. He could tell I was trying to avoid the subject, so he asked if there was anything else I wanted to talk about. Of course, being foolish, I said no. Again, that frustrated sigh. A sound I was beginning to know all too well. Because he had business to attend to that night, I was asked to leave the room. He raised and I called. Outside the door I could hear him growling and speaking to himself. I hated this separation and lack of discussion. I figured his feelings were the same as mine, but like me he was too stubborn and didn’t want to be the one to say the three words first. I couldn’t take it anymore. Someone had to show their hand.

I tried so hard to read his thoughts and got nothing. My mind was too crowded with my own struggling emotions, that I couldn’t even begin to concentrate on his. Then in a moment of complete clarity a thought crossed my mind, it blared as if I had said it aloud, “doesn’t he know that I love him!” My thought must have been heard because Colin burst through the doors of the bedroom and kissed me as if we had been parted forever. Then he said the words I longed to hear, “I love you Madlyn.“

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Madlyn / Colin

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